I received this email the other day, and I just had to ask the lady who sent it if I could share it on my Blog, I am so glad that she said 'yes'. Her clever words are yet another reminder of the pain and frustration that parents & children go through when they experience learning differences, and another reminder to me as to why I am getting to be a complete obsessive bore about all this stuff, and confirmation that I should be!
Thank you to the lady who took the time to write this, I do hope that one day we will 'move mountains,'....If anybody wants to join us - please get in touch!
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Dear Narinda,
I’m a
friend of ***********, who told me about you and I nearly e-mailed months ago,
but for some reason never pressed the send button!!! So here we go.... I spoke
to ***** again today who reminded me of your blog and I’ve been catching up on
your latest entries – including the last few months of 2012. I’m not really
sure whether I’m looking for help, or just needing to sound off, but my husband
and I are going slightly crazy, and round in circles, with regard to how best
to help both of our sons – a couple of points in your blog struck home... I
hardly know where to start...
Our
eldest son was confirmed with dyslexic difficulties at the beginning of year 4
(he’s now nearly at the end of year 5) – we had constantly asked the school
whether (in their expert educational opinion) our son showed signs of dyslexic
difficulties since Year 1. We were repeatedly told no (looking back it
was painfully obvious that he did have). When we eventually got the ‘nod’ from
his class teacher in year 4 (and it was literally a nod from her when we
mentioned the D word – she never actually said it) we took action immediately –
contacted a Dyslexic Consultant, who carried out a full educational assessment
and bingo, what do you know? My son has slow processing skills, phonological
processing issues, and a poor working memory – on the other hand – he was
almost ‘off the scale’ with ability in certain other tests (noticeably pattern
recognition) – his overall assessment for ability? not average, not above
average, not even high ability, but in the ‘superior’ range!! Obviously the
fact he struggled desperately to read and write, meant that his school
attainment of ‘just below average’ was far short of where he should have been.
Not that we ever doubted it, but now we knew with certainty we had an amazingly
bright and gifted son, who was being educationally crippled by a system which
couldn’t or wouldn’t help him. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry – I think
we did a bit of both. (Your point about struggling with emotion during school
meetings is a point well made!) We were angry at the school, we were angry at
ourselves for not trusting our own instincts, and we felt so guilty for how
demoralised our brilliant son had become in those unhappy years and how much he
had had to put up and cope with, needless to say, let battle commence........
We have
had meeting after meeting with the school, we have met class teachers, senco
teachers and the head teacher (the use of plurals here is not a mistake – the
constant turn-over of teachers at this school is an ongoing headache –
particularly when you are trying to work with the school to help your
children... but that’s another story). Whilst the school were relatively quick
to put my son on to the ‘standard’ ‘one size solves all issues’ programmes
which they employ to help children who are ‘behind’, it was and is apparent
that this does not really help him – he gets by on his underlying ability,
which causes us and him such frustration because he’s forced to learn with his
wings clipped, he’s certainly not able to fly... My son weathers school, he
doesn’t and never has, enjoyed it. One of the big no no’s we realised for him
(after nearly a year of him hating it) was actually a system which you have
found helpful – as you say every child is different. My son hated Toe by
Toe with a passion, and our Dyslexic Consultant actually said to the school
(she came to our first meeting with us) that for children with his particular
issues Toe by Toe is like torture. Stupidly, we allowed the school to use the
programme (basically because it was the only help they had to offer), but
eventually after several terms (3ish?), we asked them to stop, My son was
extremely unhappy, hated doing it, didn’t like being made to say sounds and
made up words which made no sense, and felt stupid and demoralised being made
to do it. When he stopped it, he became much happier in himself straight away.
However there was no system to replace it so he has once again had to find his
own methods of coping and trying to keep up. My son is now coming to the end of
year 5, his reading and writing is about a year behind where the Government say
it should be (they have sats at the end of this term, so we’ll get another idea
of where he’s at soon), although his maths is OK. None of his results are
anywhere near reflective of his overall high ability.
At home
we paid for, and embarked on, a home reading system called ‘easyread’, have you
heard of it? It did without a doubt immediately boost my sons confidence with
reading, for once he actually wanted to try – it basically removes words and
letters and replaces them with pictures representing sounds, words are slowly
incorporated over time, gradually training the brain to connect sounds to
words. It’s fun, its daily, its short sessions, and there are rewards aplenty.
We felt it really worked, at least in the first few months – the system takes
about 12 to 18 months to complete – but the school weren’t interested in
working with it – I don’t think they even looked at it, (I offered to do a
lesson in school with my son with the TA present, but it didn’t happen) and at
the same time he was being forced through Toe by Toe, inevitably his
frustrations at school led to him fussing about the ‘extra’ work at home – even
though it wasn’t hard for him, even though he liked the regular prizes through
the post, he kicked back at the principle of having to do more than other
people, at home he was desperate to switch off & do something different,
and I can’t say I blame him. One of the main points stressed by the makers of
the Easyread system is that children have to be relaxed and happy to benefit,
and to learn, because the higher functioning levels of the brain which need to be
accessed in order to learn are shut down by stress hormones – a stressed child
simply can’t learn (how many schools consider/remember this fundamental
fact!?). So we backed off, we haven’t yet finished the course. My sons reading
is still very poor. Likewise his writing and spelling....
In the
meanwhile, my husband and I have considered just about every option, looked at
different schools (including private – even though we would have to bust a gut
to meet the costs), considered changing state schools – but how can you really
know if it would be any different? (guilt trips about taking our boys away from
their friends) and there aren’t any spaces locally anyway. Offered to fund the
cost of dyslexic support for our children at their current school – this was
met with a flat refusal – ‘it wouldn’t be fair on the other children who
couldn’t have the same help’... how about, ‘it’s not fair that my children
aren’t supported with the right help in the first place...... ?’ Our most
recent offer - for me to provide the support for my son, in school, myself –
again a flat refusal – it would be ‘inappropriate’. We have considered home
schooling, but unlike yourself, with no experience of teaching ourselves, we
felt this just wasn’t possible. Again referring to your blogs, can you see
where all of the above has already been mentioned? KCC special education?
“Moving schools, educating at home or seeking private education...these
are the usual routes.”
I could
not believe my eyes when I read this!!! Why oh why are our primary schools so
ill equipped to help dyslexic children? Why is the system so inflexible? We are
unable to help our own children in the state system – we are effectively barred
from doing so..... so go private???? (even our consultant recommended this), in
fact we have looked at several private schools, very cautiously because we did
not (as others did) arrive in our extremely posh £40K Range Rover – rather our
reasonably elderly, but presentable, Ford Galaxy.... anyway, and we were
absolutely amazed to meet other parents, just like us, specifically seeking
private education because their children had dyslexic difficulties, not because
they would have considered it otherwise. For us, this is still an option we
haven’t ruled out......
There is
so much I haven’t said here, neither have I mentioned that we took the
initiative with son no.2, who also has dyslexic difficulties (diagnosed Dec12),
and got straight on with the assessment, a year earlier than we did with son
no.1, based on our own feelings because school weren’t going to suggest it.
However, based on our experience with son no.1, son no.2 (currently in yr3)
hasn’t got much to look forward to at this school...
If there’s
any possibility you want to hear more of our story (there’s loads I haven’t
mentioned), please me know, I’d love to speak to you, because as parents we’re
really unhappy.. you feel that you’ve let your children down.... we just don’t
know where to go from here, my son doesn’t enjoy learning, and son no.2 is
heading in the same direction. Son no.1 wants to take the 11+ not that I think Grammar
is the answer to the problems – heaven knows we’ve had that discussion – but
with his high ability and potential – particularly in maths (providing he can
read the questions), why shouldn’t he have the choice? The school haven’t even
been able to tell us if he would be eligible for extra time.... he has a tutor
(yes I know this is a contentious point with many people), but she totally
understands the situation, based on past history, I’m ultra sensitive to
whether my son is happy or not, and I’m very happy that he actually enjoys his
once a week sessions, he loves doing well with the extra help, he loves the
praise and he loves being good/outstanding at something.... so we’re sticking
with it – no pressure on him, but we’ll give him a fighting chance if he wants
to do it. Credit to him that despite his experiences at school, he still wants
to try... which school would ultimately be the right secondary education for
him we really aren’t sure...... but what we are determined about is that it
will be a better experience for him than his primary school experience.....
Thanks
for reading this (if you got this far!!) and keep going, what you’re doing is
so needed, and so right – we need to drag KCC education into the future..... I
have loads more examples of things we have experienced which back up your view
point and experiences, if everyone gets together we may just move a mountain!
